That's Life

Isn't it annoying when life goes wrong? You
mess up something that took time, something you put care into, for example a blogpost. And then with one accidental click, and your work, all the effort you put in, disappears. So I did write a blog post talking about death, it was all rather morbid but I felt it necessary as it is something going on in my life. But if there's something I can take away from that blogpost never to be, it's that life is too short to be typing out some 'spur of the moment' feelings again. You know it's not going to be the same and it's not going to be as good. So you may as well move on with your life and write about what is now on your mind.

A Mix of Emotions?

It's funny how your day can go from bad to worse to relatively good all in the space of a few hours. So while sitting in a toilet cubicle crying my eyes out, in the 'worse' part of the day, I wondered what I could do to make myself feel better. So, phone in hand, I open up the internet and clicked on my channel on youtube. Now, although the immediate effect of me reading my profile comments was some more crying, I eventually calmed down, pulled myself together and thought about all the people who appreciate me and my vlogs. Okay, I know its not that many people really, but it's someone, right? It made me concentrate on the fact that a lot of people don't think I'm shit, like I sometimes do. Something to be happy about right?

You're probably thinking I'm some sort of  depressed, self-centred or hysterical teenager. I'm not, by the way. I barely ever cry really. I never cry when watching films, except the other day I slightly teared up when watching X-Men: First Class. Yup. Many of my friends have left the country and school and nope, not one tear shed. But when the anger comes on, my emotions betray me. Sad, I know, but I guess that's life.

So what has this blog been about? Appreciation? Making myself feel better? Crying? Or not much at all? Yes, probably the latter. Writing to write, I guess. Well, this has been very informal. Bye.

Getting Some Things In My Head Straight... For Once

Recently the world has been catching up to me. School is like a protective bubble and it looks like its about to pop. I'm having to do independent work ad make independent decisions and that's pretty scary! But at the same time I'm excited because when you get ahold of an idea you're passionate about but have to do what the teacher's telling you, you want to expand on it in you're own way, and now I can.

 I'm applying to do the Extended Project Qualification, which enables you to do just that, a project on a subject of your choosing, something outside the syllabus. When thinking about what I wanted to do, I had no idea, and this worried me. The project is meant to be something you're passionate about and surely if you're passionate about something it would spring straight to mind, right? After a few days of not really thinking about it, I gave up, deciding I wasn't motivated enough. But not altogether. In passing I mentioned to my mum the question 'Are films better than books?' And so the idea grew from there. There are unlimited possibilities as to how to develop this answer but I settled on 'Do films tell the story better than books?' I want to concentrate more on the creative side of the question as opposed to the industry side, but I think there is huge room for expansion. I really do believe this is something I am genuinely passionate about and I am even going to take it a step further from just writing an essay by creating a short video of a scene from a book. 

As for this growing up stuff, I guess I'm just going to have to take it by the day. But I'll tell you something; you feel a hell of a lot better once you've got at least some ideas straight in you're mind, and I think maybe I'm starting to. 

The First Thought

I guess this is like an online diary, except everyone can read it. I doubt anyone will, but it's good to know they could. Good because that way I can censor myself from being too crazy. My mind can often go off on tangents and never get back on track. That's why I was never really good at writing stories as a child. I would start with a long introduction, very detailed, and then that would be half the story. The rest of the time would be spent in a mad rush to get to the ending, which I rarely did. That's why when I got older, I just gave up and marked myself as one who could not write stories, though I still had a lot of imagination. I'd say I've really started to realise this recently. See, I've started a youtube channel and I make a video perhaps every once a week. I've been going for a couple of months now and I'm up to 37 subscribers, which is quite good seeing as the videos aren't even that good, even though I think they're ridiculously funny, but I guess I have to try and see through that.

I talked about my childhood, but I guess I'm still a child really, seeing as I'm only 16. But this is the time when all the big decisions are made and I still feel far too young, this feeling is increased when I look in the mirror. I  look too young to be going to university in a couple of years! I would suppose my parents put quite a lot of pressure on me, my mother mainly, but she didn't start early enough and I've developed the ability to try and tune what's she's saying out. I'm not ignoring her advice, she just says the same the thing every time. A parenting technique both my parents have picked up. But my mother has also developed an over protection method where she believes everything she reads in high-regarded newspapers without having first-hand experience. A prime exanple of this would be my mother not trusting youtube, thinking if I have as much as my face displayed I'll be killed by a stalker. So I've kept her in the dark. Ah the woes of being a teenager.